so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
