There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
