you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
