i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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