were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My ass is underappreciated
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
