I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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