somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
