According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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