dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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