State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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