It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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