One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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