Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
