just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
