first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
