She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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