My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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