We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
