I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
