Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
