Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
