Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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