I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
