Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Michael Bay diarrhea
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
