I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
