im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
