I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
