Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
