Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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