Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
