I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
