She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize