Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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