idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
