My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
