HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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