then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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