oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
