Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
