yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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