If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
