Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
