Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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