We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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