go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
