I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
