mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
