the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
