My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
