so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
