I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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