Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
