i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
