Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
