Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
