If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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