someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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