I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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