Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
