My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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