I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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