After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
