Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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