her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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