8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
