So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
