Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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