Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
