definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
