If that was your dad, he is hot
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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