I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
