I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
