That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
