hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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