Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
