lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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