end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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